Tips and traps in parenting arrangements

Family lawyers spend a lot of time negotiating and formalising children's arrangements, or arguing over them in Court at times. Here we share some of our tips, and traps that we've come across, from years of experience.

Benefit from our experience by taking on board the tips and avoiding the traps!

Tip #1 - Certainty

We recommend you be very detailed about the living arrangements so you know exactly what day, what time and what location changeover will happen.

You should be able to plan in advance what you are doing on the weekend, and school holidays if your children are at school. You should have enough certainty that you can book holidays in advance.

Tip #2 - Cover everything

Do this process once and cover everything you might need to discuss about the children. This doesn’t mean you can’t have some flexibility or revisit something that isn’t working well for your situation, but it might save you some angst further down the track. It is necessary if you want to make the arrangements legally binding.

If you want to formalise the parenting arrangements in a legally binding way (as a Consent Order), then this will be a final Order and will remain in place until each child turns 18 years of age. So you need to cover everything that might come up for your child or children until they become an adult.

Even if you simply want to have a temporary or informal arrangement for the moment, we still recommend you cover all aspects of the children’s arrangements so that you can hopefully avoid an argument with the other parent later on. Your separation was probably difficult enough on one level or another, so you don’t need to have regular conversations with your ex over the same topic.

Tip #3 - Make it binding while everyone is still amicable

Once you reach an agreement, seriously consider taking the time and effort to apply to have it formalised in a legally binding way as a "Consent Order".

Clients regularly come to us after problems have arisen with the other parent complying with the agreement, or the arrangements for the children may have broken down entirely.

I wish I had gotten an Order back when I had the chance

If there is no Court Order in place, then the parents both have parental responsibility and do not need to act with the agreement of the other parents when it comes to a range of issues, not least when it comes wo when your child or children are picked up or dropped off.

When we ask if there is a Court Order in place, we often hear "No, we were amicable so we didn't do it". This often means that we have to start negotiations when the parents are no longer amicable, making it much more difficult and expensive to settle.

Trap #1 - Keep it simple

Make sure the arrangements are simple and easy to remember, and to live with.

It’s a common trap to become focused on what’s “fair” and the number of nights care that each parent is providing. This can lead to arrangements which are so complicated with irregular changeovers that’s it’s hard for you and the children to keep a track of when they are coming and going. A lot of travel time can eat into quality time with the children.

Don’t make it too difficult or complicated for yourselves and the children to actually live with.

Trap #2 - avoid too much flexibility

Parents often want to be amicable and have “flexible’ arrangements, but if you’re arrangements are so flexible that you don’t know in advance what’s going on and can’t make plans in advance, then you don’t have the certainty which a parenting arrangements was supposed to provide.

It's not helpful if the arrangements are so vague you can't make plans.

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